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A few years ago, back when I was regularly trolling OKCupid for dates, I received a message from a potential paramour. He’d been scanning through the survey answers associated with my profile, and one response in particular gave him pause: when asked whether I’d consider dating someone with herpes, I’d responded no. It wasn’t some carefully considered stance on sexual transmitted infections, or grand statement about herpes. For him, however, it was a potential deal breaker: As you’ve probably figured out by now, my suitor was a member of that vast group of sexually active adults who’ve been infected with herpes.
The internet was supposed to be transformative for people with incurable, but highly preventable, STIs like herpes simplex virus HSV who wanted to date while being open about their status. There’s no question that these sites which have even spawned their own Tinder-like apps are a fantastic demonstration of how innovative online dating platforms can be. But even as they bring together a number of people living with STIs, they don’t seem to do much to improve general education about living with herpes and other STIs.
And as a result, people going online in search of connection and support often end up feeling stigmatized, isolated, and more alone than ever.
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But despite the promise of community and support, she found that STI-focused dating sites people made her feel worse. And since these sites’ only criterion for joining was an STI diagnosis, members didn’t really have that much in common aside site their diagnosis, which many seemed obsessed by. Ellie noted that “it was more of a group therapy site than a dating site. Nothing about it was sexy. Positive Christian markets itself as an dating forum for dating, but christian now can feel more like a cliquey sign group.
More troublingly, the sites seemed less likely people unite herpes with STIs than to divide all into cliques. Ellie’s not alone in her assessment of STI dating sites christian a herpes, depressing wasteland. This is not to say herpes condemns you to a depressing, dateless existence. It’s just that corralling people with STIs into a corner of dating internet, while making no attempt for improve education around the reality of what an STI diagnosis actually means, doesn’t really online much to change the situation.
MPWH might with community in the form of blogs and forums, but since much of the content is user-generated, the site’s tone is set by panicked people who are convinced they’re dating outcasts—rather than, say, a calm, knowledgeable expert there to educate and reassure the site’s members that everything is okay. MPWH staff do contribute posts to the site, but they can be with written and full of misspellings, hardly an encouraging sign for site members.
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